Last night, we spent a magical evening in my sister's backyard Sukkah. Sukkot marks the Jewish Harvest Festival, where it is tradition to build impermanent tents in yards, under the stars, and to share the harvest of joy by inviting strangers to join with family for a festival meal. It occurs to me that because there is only a single wall in a traditional sukkah, it is unavoidable that both guests and hosts "lean in" to engage in conversation. There is something intimate about that effort which also works in conflict resolution. By literally and physically "leaning in" to listen to and empathize with the disputants, there is a natural comfort level that is engendered. When you lean in, you can demonstrate or model important features that may facilitate unlocking and resolving the dispute. First, the barriers to communication can be surmounted--you can literally get within the shell of exterior protection that may have caused or contributed to the conflict with the other disputant. Next,by sitting close by, you can show that you are on the same level (as opposed to standing, as a person in authority, or seated on a podium, as a Judge would be), thus facilitating a more likely willingness to trust and confide in the mediator. Finally, by leaning towards the disputant, you can better model their own behavior, echoing and thereby showing the empathy they need in order to put the conflict behind them. The opposite of "leaning in" would be a classic interviewer who leans back in his chair, and displays a degree of arrogance by his posture. This may be effective at certain steps, but in this season of harvest, I'm going with leaning in towards the stranger. After all, it was a magical evening.
